To say I've been absent from the blogging world would be an understatement. I've been pretty absent in the real world too. My last post included an update on my foot. I had that red cast for 2 weeks and then I moved up in the world to a blue cast for two weeks. Yesterday I got a walking boot that I'll wear for the next 6 weeks (I cried my eyes out at the appointment as the tech yanked (no better word) skin, scabs, steri-strips etc. off... he thought it was important so the doc could make a decision on if I need to be re-stitched. Praise the Lord I don't and praise the Lord that tech won't ever touch me again... I may be a wimp but that was just awful!!). The hope is that I'll be able to wean off my crutches completely in the coming weeks. My foot is progressing well in this healing process but it is a long journey... one that I must show patience on.
I am learning a lot during this recovery. Tears have filled my eyes numerous times as I watch the judgement of others and wonder what those who are permanently disabled feel like when everyone stares at them. I have a new perspective on security at the airport (the way they scan handicapped people is insane...21 minutes later I was done). I'm learning that I really am not in control (what? really? isn't this a lesson i've learned 5.2 million times?). I was reminded how incredibly loving and selfless my husband is towards our family. He has kept our head above water even in the midst of 2 weeks of call in a row (where he at one point slept a total of 9 hours in 3 days) and a very important yearly OKAP exam.
I've also learned how pathetically I trust Jesus. It's easy to say I trust Him but when the *#&$ hits the fan it's another story. Thankfully He has grabbed a hold of my heart and met me where I am. When people asked how I've made it through the last five weeks while caring for Katelyn on one foot my answer is consistently "by the grace of God." My Mom was a life saver. She cared for my family unbelievably well for weeks. She went way above and beyond to help us. Friends have stepped up and filled in the gaps. Katelyn and I went home to Austin where my sister and Mom tag teamed caring for KG and me. Tim... sweet Tim... deserves husband of the year. Even with all this help there have been plenty of moments that I have absolutely crumbled. Turns out caring for an active one year old..... who only naps for an average of 1 hour per day..... while I was nauseated and in pain.... and on one foot... is a difficult task. It's in these meltdown moments as I held my baby girl and tears streamed down my face that the Holy Spirit covered me. Perhaps this sounds funny to you. I didn't see bright lights or hear a verbal voice but I felt a peace that I know was Him. Thank you Jesus for loving me unconditionally. I'm not saved by my own merit (thank goodness). I did nothing to deserve salvation... He came and suffered on the cross knowing that we would fail Him. Thank you Jesus. Focus my heart on what it looks like to trust you with every aspect of my life.
A little laughter is good for the soul. This little peanut has brought many smiles to my face during this difficult time!
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